


Can Somebody Pull Me Out of This Black Hole?

by marvelmedigeekfics



Category: All American (TV)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Blood, Found Family, Found Family Feels, Gen, Implied/Reference Major Injury, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Mentions of Blood, References to Depression, sibling feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24515662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelmedigeekfics/pseuds/marvelmedigeekfics
Summary: Asher’s spiraling, Olivia’s hiding, Jordan’s scared and Spencer’s anxious. But none of those things matter when they have each other.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	Can Somebody Pull Me Out of This Black Hole?

**Author's Note:**

> If I missed tagging something, let me know so I can fix that. This gets heavy. A little bit similar to my last piece, but focusing on all four. (So self indulgent, be warned)
> 
> This takes place right after season 2 ends, though buildup took place after Asher got kicked off the team.  
> I haven’t watched the ending of season 2 in awhile, so some of the details be a little screwy. 
> 
> And I have to mention the tense, because I somehow manage to change tenses halfway through every time I write anything. I’m sorry, I hope I got all the errors when I proofread this.  
> BUTTT, I hope you all enjoy!

Something inside of Asher was about to explode. There was a tight feeling inside his chest, his brain, everywhere. And all he felt was anger. Blinding, eclipsing, white hot, anger. 

He’d been kicked off the team. Again. No future, nothing to look forward to. Maybe he’d be reinstated after Coach Bakers resignation. Not likely. Asher knew the consequences of steroids. He understood why he got kicked off. But understanding, or even slightly agreeing didn’t quell the anger that threatened to explode every time he even thought about football. Or about Olivia. 

Sometimes all Asher could think about is how much he wanted to punch something. He couldn’t stand the thought of going to the weight room at school, so he hopped the bus across Beverly Hills and punched the bags until his knuckles bled and the anger white anger faded to black. It stopped burning him. And he was okay. 

He would get home, and see his dad passed out on the couch again, and feel the anger surge through his veins. A few months ago, Asher would’ve dragged him off the couch, but on this day the thought didn’t even cross his mind. So he goes to his room, and shoves anything that lights up the anger into a box in his brain. It’s okay when the anger is asleep. 

Asher had debated calling someone many times. JJ, Jordan, Olivia, Spencer. They’d all crossed his mind many times. His mom, too, but the thought of calling his mom about this seemed impossible. Calling anyone sounded impossible. 

So he just punched things, ignoring the dried blood flaking off his knuckles and the throbbing pain in his fingers. That didn’t matter anyway. There was no motivation to keep his fingers unbroken. No footballs to catch, and no papers to write. No purpose for them, no purpose for Asher. 

—

Asher honestly couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Spencer without thinking about the fact that he got shot, protecting Olivia. At first he was grateful. Still was, really. Spencer had lost a lot that night, and now the only thing Asher felt about when he thought about Spencer was guilt. Shame. It should’ve been him that got shot. Spencer had a future, and Asher had a slim to none chance of going anywhere. Doing anything worthwhile. 

Even after leaving the gym, Asher still felt like punching something. His hands were stained red, soaking through the tape. He honestly didn’t know what happened, until his hand began to sear. He cursed loudly, and fumbled for his phone. He knew better than to pull a piece of glass out of your hand especially if it—

Spencer answered his phone on the second ring. “Asher?” 

“Can you drive me home?” 

“Where are you? What happened?” There were two voices on the line, and a lot of shuffling. 

“I’m outside Bellini’s gym. And I just broke my window, my hand and my—.” 

Jordan did not look happy when Asher caught sight of him, but his anger turned to concern at the sight of Ashers hand. His phone still captured Olivia’s fear and Spencer’s desperate attempts to calm her down. 

“What the hell did you do?” Jordan said, his eyes widening in absolute horror at Ashers now blank expression and the terrifying sound of his blood dripping to the ground. Jordan couldn’t tear his eyes away from the puddles as he took Ashers phone to his ear. 

“Something’s wrong with Asher.”

—

Jordan was not kidding. Asher looked awful, the stark redness of his blood turning his skin guant and sickly pale. Jordan managed to maneuver him into the passengers seat, without any help from Asher. He didn’t even blink or reply when Jordan started talking. 

Maybe Jordan couldn’t handle the silence from his best friend, or his adrenaline wouldn’t let him shut up, because once he started talking he couldn’t stop. 

Olivia and Spencer pulled up accross the street, just after Jordan had found some tape and gauze in his glovebox. The piece of glass imbedded in Ashers knuckles caught Spencer off guard, but not more than Olivia. 

Jordan and Spencer couldn’t stop moving, but Olivia was frozen in place. 

“Ash?” Olivia’s voice seemed small, and petrified. 

Asher blinked a few times, and then his eyes flew open when he focused on Olivia. “Liv.” 

Olivia gaped at him, her shock still evident in everything about her. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” She offered her hand, and Asher took it. 

Jordan and Spencer both knew about Olivia and Ashers relationship, and everything that had happened. But they didn’t have a clue why both of them looked so damn sad.

—

Olivia drove with Asher in her passengers seat. She hadn’t let go of his hand as she drove to the nearest hospital. Spencer and Jordan were following them, while Ashers car had already been picked up by JJ. 

Spencer and Jordan were talking about Olivia and Asher, mostly Asher. “He looked so scared.” Jordan said, his eyes glued to Olivia’s license plate. 

“He’s been off for a while now, ever since he got kicked off the team.” Spencer replied, rubbing his shoulder nervously. 

“I feel so dumb for not noticing. I was so caught up with Simone, and football and all the other shit that’s been happening. I told myself I wouldn’t repeat my mistakes with Olivia and I did anyway.” 

“Don’t beat yourself up, because I didn’t see anything either. And I usually notice everything.” 

“We used to be best friends.” 

“You’re still best friends, though.” 

“Best friends would notice something like this.” 

“Stop beating yourself up. He’s not Olivia. And you’re not the Jordan from back then.” 

“Seeing him like that scared me more than seeing Olivia that night.” 

Olivia pulled into Beverly Presbyterian, and Jordan parked next to her. According to the clock, it had barely been 15 minutes since Jordan pulled up behind Asher, and barely 8 since Spencer and Olivia did. It felt a lot longer. 

Olivia drummed her fingers on the reception desk anxiously which earned her a glare from the charge nurse. “Sorry. My friend here had a piece of glass stuck in his hand.” She gestured to Ashers hand, which is a mess of gauze, athletic tape and Klynex. 

Spencer and Jordan waitEd patiently, watching cartoons and flipping through last years magazines,until Olivia came back with an exhausted Asher. His hand didn’t look like a crime scene anymore, which is good, but Olivia hadn’t changed her expression from 30 minutes ago. Her fear and worry sat deep into the lines of her face. 

Olivia didn’t say anything on the ride to the hospital but she find her words on the ride home. 

“Asher..” she said, her voice a little bit raspy and her eyes ringed with redness. 

“I’m sorry.” Asher soundEd like a broken toy, the way his voice cracks and his volume. 

“It’s okay.” Olivia swallowEd hard and her eyes threatenEd to spill tears again because of how broken the man she loves sounds. “I understand.” 

Asher didn’t seem convinced, but he didnt say anything, his eyes glazing over in numbness. At least he was not angry anymore. He was just floating without a tether, lost in space. 

—

Asher didn’t say anything at all, not even to ask why they are at the Baker’s house. He didnt even seem to realize this until the four of them squishEd themselves onto one of the many Baker couches. 

Asher sat in the middle with Spencer and Jordan sitting over the arms and Olivia curled on top of it. They just breathed for a minute, their anxiety seeming to calm itself down. Asher still looked awful and very, very tense. Olivia hesitated before placing her hand on his shoulder. 

“Ash. What’s going on?” Her voice was tender, despite her lingering anxieties about him and his mistake. She’d fucked up herself, so why did it matter? She could comfort him, and that was her motivation. 

“I’m sorry.” Asher whispered, and he began to cry softly. Both Jordan and Spencer had their brother instincts take over and their arms wrapped around their friend. They let him cry, letting his pain seep out of him. Each of them knew about the public struggles: his fathers alcohol abuse, his mother’s secrets, having to serve divorce papers, being kicked off football twice, steroid use. The list was not pretty, but all of them knew his life must’ve been a lot uglier to warrant tonight. Asher always had control, and he seemed to be losing it. 

“It’s okay. Whatever you’re sorry for, it can be fixed.” Spencer said the words as much to himself as he did to Asher. Things could always be fixed. This shoulder thing has been hard, but it could be fixed. Anything can be fixed somehow, but not always in the way you think. 

“I can’t be fixed, Spence.” 

“Asher, no!” Jordan hated the feeling of powerlessness this conversation gave him. 

“Brokenness isn’t a character flaw.” Olivia said. “It’s what makes you human.” 

Hearing those words sent the anger in Ashers brain exploding through him. And as soon as the ringing in his ears gave way to his friends steady breathing, the anger was gone. He was not blind anymore, because he could see how much Of what Olivia said is true. 

“We’re all a little broken.” Jordan’s voice didn’t have to cut through Ashers blinding anger anymore. 

All four of them nodded and they could all feel that. “And that’s okay.” Asher said. “I’m still sorry, guys.” “Don’t apologize. We’re some kind of family or something.” Spencer said, and he smiled genuinely. His family would just continue to grow, because even though he would be going back to Crenshaw next year, he would never forget the year he had a Beverly. What a year it was. “Just tell us why you’ve been so wierd lately.” Olivia said, her hand still on Ashers shoulder. She tried to instill a little bit of confidence into Asher with a squeeze, but it didn’t seem to work that well. “I’ve been angry.” Asher clenched his fist as began to talk. “At football. At my parents. At myself.” The most emphasis went on the last word, the word stilling the room completely. “So I started punching things, and usually that quiets down the screaming in my brain. But not tonight. It didn’t stop screaming until about 5 minutes ago. Even after I shattered my window. And I didn’t want to stop.” The words hung in the air for about 30 seconds, everyone trying to wrap their heads around this. Suddenly, Olivia couldn’t hold in her secret anymore. “I’m not sober anymore.” Olivia said it so quietly, that it almost seems like she didn’t say it. Jordan reached over to hold her hand. She’d already told him a few days ago, but her confession was news to both Spencer and Asher. “Are you...okay?” Spencer manageD to choke out. “I’ll make it, because I have you guys.” She said, her eyes still a little bit sad, but she’s more hopeful than she’s been lately. All the guys manage to give a little hope, because she knows what they’d do for the people they love. She has them, and she’s the luckiest girl in the world. “I’m scared.” Jordan said, following his sisters lead. Olivia squeezed his hand and he smiled at her. “Because I love Simone.” “Love is scary, but it’s worth it.” Asher said, his gaze traveling to Olivia’s concern for Jordan. Spencer nodded, agreeing with Asher. God knows it had been scary with Leila. “I going to let my people down, I just know.” Spencer said his piece the loudest, letting his desperation leak out through his words. “I believe in you, Spence.” Olivia spoke up first, smiling warmly at him. They all knew how important this football season would be to Crenshaw, and to Spencer. “Me too.” Jordan and Asher said in unison. Olivia climbed down from the top of the couch, claiming her butt fell asleep, and each of the boys took the opportunity to make a Liv sandwich, causing her to squeal and give them all a reason to laugh. Each of them had got what they needEd the most that night: peace, acceptance, support, reassurance, and most of all a family. A broken, dysfunctional family, with a fierce love for each other. And what more could they ask for? Everything would be okay, as long as they stuck together. Anything that needed to be fixed, would be. Anything that needed to be healed, would be. Together.


End file.
